self-reliance+independence

i had been thinking these days. if i am really a person who can really live by myself like before, if i really need that someone by my side all the time. till now i still cant get an answer. maybe i can only know when i really experience it but i really dont hope this to happen. really, i don’t hope i am really born to be alone.

anyways, i am still very sure that i don’t want to be self-reliant only. i want to be independent enough to provide for myself and even to bless the people ard me. financially, emotionally and spiritually. like that’s just an overflow on my part, too much for me to contain that i gotten share it with others. i really want that.

had been fasting 12hrs ever since mon, except for wed when i had farewell lunch with my fellow colleage at raffles marina. been a hard time, escaping from my colleage’s sight during lunchtime so they cant ask me for lunch and i don’t have to reject them. haha. i havent stepped into the canteen for this whole week lorh. haha. been thinking about all these things, praying for an answer. though i still cant get an answer if i am really a person who is meant to be alone to be better, i know i want to be a blessing.

this fast was pretty hard for me. having to escape from colleage and all. plus it’s the time of the mth when i need to snack and eat alot to counter the rise in some kind of hormones in my body. so during this time, i usually eat alot to feel better. i really hate this hormone, it makes me feel so moody and depressed. without eating and snacking, my emotions became worse.

sian. i had pretty depressing moments at home recently. haiz. dono, just don’t feel like it’s home when i am back. nvm.

Although a Thousand Fall

how?

i dono.

no good.

hasnt been good.

i am blamed for everything and nvr rewarded for anything.

i am useless in ur sight.

i am NEVER NEVER good enough.

and i don’t seem impt anymore.

u are already so critical and harsh to me but why must you also be harsh to me.

i think i had enough share of all these and don’t need any adding on.

maybe after all, i only need me and myself plus God when people only make me feel so sad inwardly, so lost.

i dono.

dono…..

really dono

WALAU SERIBU REBAH

TIADA PERNAH KURAGUKAN
KASIH SETIA-MU YA TUHAN
SETIAP WAKTU DALAM HIDUPKU
TAK PERNAH KAU TINGGALKAN
MESKI LANGIT TAMPAK SURAM
AWAN GELAP PUN MENGHADANG
HADAPI BADAI LEWATI GELOMBANG
TAK PERNAH KAU TINGGALKAN DIRIKU

Chorus:
WALAU SERIBU REBAH DI SISIKU
KAU TETAPLAH ALLAH PENOLONGKU
WALAU SEPULUH RIBU REBAH DI KANANKU
TAK KAN KU GOYAH S’BAB YESUS SERTAKU

ALTHOUGH A THOUSAND FALL

MERCIES THAT RISE
WITH THE NEW MORN
SET ME APART AS A NEW BORN
EACH MOMENT I LIVE
BY FAITH I BELIEVE
WITH YOU I’M NEVER ALONE

DARKNESS MAY COME,
TRIALS SEEM SO LONG
YOU ARE THE LIGHT I DEPEND ON
THROUGH VALLEYS AND STORMS
YOUR WORD KEEPS ME STRONG
MY SHELTER, REFUGE AND SONG
I TRUST IN YOU

EVERYDAY I LIVE
I KNOW YOU ARE MY GOD
I LIFT MY FACE AND
LOOK TO YOU MY LORD
EVEN WHEN THE MOUNTAINS TREMBLE
AND A THOUSAND FALL
I WILL STAND WITH YOU
MY JESUS
TAKE MY ALL

busy tired huiyu but blessed

ever since i started to learn to count my blessings (though i still rant sometimes, i am still learning), i tink i m a much happier person. many times, it just a small still voice inside of me reminding me to see how blessed i am instead of looking at the negative side and not to retort at people who are so critical and harsh towards me. keeping me calm and giving me the peace. i am very sure it’s the Holy Spirit.

Cgm and svc this week was great. i nvr felt God’s presence so strong in my life, comforting me and carrying me thru my worries for a very long time. i was very touched by this tangible presence that i cant control my tears. His Love is so great, so strong and overwhelming. I am so thankful and must always rmb to acknowledge him in every situation that comes along.

yeaps, work was great. greater responsibilities given to me but i enjoyed myself. now, my whole department went for a workshop so i have nothing to do…. so was thinking that i should post on this almost dead blog. haha. here are some of the photos of my office. next time i will take more photos, showcasing our process lab and pathetic but well-equipped chemistry lab. these two labs are where i usually work in.

blessed only if u start counting your blessings

dont worry about my previous post… i was just an emo post i guess, one that i have lots of questions, unanswered questions in my head. yeaps…

huiyu is still a happy girl now. i think everyone can have happiness when i start to think about and count our blessings instead of looking at what we lack.

i nearly broke my finger ytd in office. my index finger was stuck between the hinge of the the door and the door itself. it was like really really ouch!!! my tear just flowed down coz it was really painful. initially, i couldn’t gain control ofthe movement of the finger after releasing from the door. then, there’s 2 blueblack dents on the part of the finger which is clamped by the door… the pain was really unbearable but i didnt tell anyone in the office coz i tot it’s just a small accident… yeaps but it’s really an experience one would wana go thru. so, sms mr commando who is in reservist. bleahs… some photos taken when the condition is much better.

yeaps… silly mr commando wanted to give me a surprise by travelling all the way frm pasir ris camp to my place!!!! but being my bf, he couldnt keep any secrets from me so he actually let the cat out of the bag about one hour before he reach when he was on the train sms-ing me. hees, he really cant keep any secrets from me. yeaps. really touched by what he had done bah. travelling such a looong way from his camp to my house, plus my house is like super inaccessible lorh, his camp also. somemore the next day he got outfield wor. yeaps… though it was just spending a mere few hours at my house, watching tv, i still enjoyed it.

bless you blessings my friend and cherish the ones just beside you.

a few outdated photos which we went ikea to eat on the weekend before his ict.

三个心愿

it had been a long time since i post songs onto my blog. today i shall do that.

lying on my bed, on the radio by my bedside, it’s this song by FIR.

三个心愿

沁:我喜欢你的眼神温柔又危险
请不要戴上眼镜我会看不见
想要张开双手把你宝贝
想和你天天见面
想带你环游世界
飞:我喜欢你爱逞强苯苯的笑脸
在心中抬头挺胸坚定的信念
这个辽阔世界不够完美
但有了你在我身边什么都很OK

副歌(合唱):
第一个心愿 为你 把幸福 堆积
天涯到海角 头发到呼吸
第二个心愿 给你 最好的 自己
再许个心愿 我的爱把你占领

沁:为什么为了小事就要掉眼泪
好象有太多的事只能自己背
其实只要你说一句OK
现在就立刻马上变成你的superman
飞:这世上最重要的不止是誓言
只要你常常记得亲亲我的脸
我会永远记得这个今天
还有很久的那一天我也要有你陪
副歌(重复)

super nice and sweet song…. and of course, it’s one of my fav songs, one with the highest play count on my ipod…. but as i listen to the sweet lyrics, it just make me wonder how many couples can actually have times like that? or issit most couples are experiencing this kind of feeling and it’s just a norm? and y am i stuck in this vicious cycle… it doesnt seem to end or come to a pause. what shld i do? how to improve? how shld i react when everything happens again? be normal coz it’s just another time we are experiencing this? i really dono, i am lost. very lost of what to do, how to react and what i really want. i really agree with what the female lead in the movie <PS I love you> said. when asked what does woman really want, she answered:”seriously, woman really don’t know what they want.” i really agree with her coz i had felt this alot of times and in times like that, i would just hope someone else to make the decision for me and make me happy. argh…. tired is not the word, disappointed is also not the word anymore, i still cant find a vocab now to describe how i feel.

Way back into love