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first day of sem6

我真的不想管了。

自己的事都管不好。。。

真的没有闲情去解决别人的事。。。

开学了。

看到努力的同学们，只有两个英文字浮现在我脑海里。

competitive.

stress.

一定要努力。

但是努力就能拿到好成绩吗？

NUS=No Use Studying.

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cherishing

生离死别

it’s one of the worst things that can happen to a person, especially the one that leave is close u to you.

to me, i think 死别 is something really out of our own control. something that many times is pre-destinated. will feel sad and grief cos of u just feel helpless as u cant do anything about it. death just robs your loved ones from you, when you least expected.

then wat about 生离? i wouldn’t say everytime, but most of the time is most of time is caused by people’s decisions made in their lives. decisions made to make people hafta part and leave each other for a period of time or forever. it can be your very own decision or actions u plan to take, causing u to leave someone u love dearly. or even someone else’s decision, speech or action resulting people to be separated. i guess, for this kind of separation, we haf more control over it? wat do u think?

having more control over it also means people holding more responsibility on themselves for making the right decision, doing the right thing, saying the right thing. this can also cause so much destress and blame on people when things dont turn out right, when things turn sour as they will blame themselves for making that decision. but many times, these things doesnt come by  with a single decision made or a single action done. when it comes to people-to-people interactions, it’s always 2-ways. for example, when someone did something bad to u, u can have a range of choices of reaction towards it. angry, sad or heckcare. and even to be angry, there are just so many actions that can be done like frowning, grabbing ur fist or scolding the person. i guess there’s not a ‘right’ action to be done everything. everything is permissable but as a mature adult, we gonna think which is more beneficial before doing things and reacting.

so what is beneficial?

now for me, it’s to cherish everyone around me.
easier said than done, i tink. i tink i haf relatively low EQ.
We always say that we should treasure everyone around you,
but the truth is we hardly even try to do it.
we will just make the same mistakes again and again after saying sorry.
then the vicious cycle will start once again.
If I were to die tomorrow,
i will be worry-free and leave everything before
but i will have lots of regrets.
Because there are so many things that I’ve not done.

i haven’t travel the world
i haven’t earn my first million
i haven’t seen the stadium being built
i haven’t seen my 2nd sis be a policewoman and hear her share the exciting experiences
i haven’t seen my little sis graduate
i haven’t seen my parents retire and enjoy their time together
i haven’t hug him enough
i haven’t eaten molten choc cake with him
i haven’t hear him sing to me enough
i haven’t seen bao-er
i haven’t done alot of things.

why do we waste our time moaning over the mistakes we have done? everyone make mistakes. we don’t have much time, nobody knows what will happen tml. let’s not waste time anymore. start cherishing and treasuring people ard you, especially those that u love. groaning over mistake won’t get u anywhere. stand up, make a decision to change, it doesnt matter if u are going to fail changing or wat but at least u dare to try. don waste time anymore! we dont have much time left, time flies pass without you knowing. i tink there’s just alot of things u also wana do and yet to do. dont start regretting only when u are dying or when u are old and way passed the time u can do it.

ciaos, world

stress to the max

yeah, the title of this entry explains all.

exams are just less than 2 weeks away and things arent progressing well. my plan of studying was on track until bad things just happen again and again past week and continue to happen today.

stress as i can be. as disgusting medicinal chemistry may be. there are just too many competitive pple in my course, causing me hard to catch my breath and doesnt give me the assurance in my heart that i can do it even after everytime, i finish going thru the topic understanding it. i will just haf the after-feeling that, other pple might haf gone thru it thrice, fourth, fifth or even the sixth time. i can nvr match up with how much time and discipline they had to sit down and stare thru the notes or the computer screen. if studying is just for the enriching of knowledge, it will be tremendously great, i will be much enjoying the topic than to find it disgusting now.

bad things don happen alone. i am only granted two pathetic days off from my stupid internship!!!!! when many others got one whole week off, some even haf 2 whole weeks! u get wat i mean now? how can i ever catch up with that!?!?!?! felt like screaming at my supervisor ytd, and also the technician who also wanted to take leave on that week because of her NUS parttime degrees exams! u tell me….. who should be given an advantage to take leave for exams? a student, intern in the company, who applied leave 1mth beforehand or a FULLTIME technician who gets more than double the pay the intern gets? and and and she only applied 2 weeks before!!!???? what on earth is that??? UNFAIR!!!!

anyways, as if i have a choice. maybe i do! to study hard now to get a C+ or study harder now to get a B. watever~~

my head felt so heavy now. cant really get to sleep though. my head feel like it’s full of things and it’s going to explore anytime.

bad things don happen alone. some stupid things happen at home. it just throw on tons of heavy burden onto my shoulder, adding to the ones that i alr had. lotsa expectations to be met, responsibilities added.

i dono how i can handle this.

tribulation before my water baptism?
But devil! i am going to confess u should not have any foothold in my life! Go to Hell!

anyways, God said He will multiply my time! i don’t know how or when, but i BELIEVE!!! i do my best, He will do the rest. i need strength and more of Your mercy!!!

okies. all above are just me being angry and ranting. an outlet for me to express. i believe what one of my friend say is very right. “it’s ok to be angry but just don let it get over u.”