emoness even after thesis submission

11 04 2010

today was bad.

emo. foul mood.

but nobody seemed to uds.

low self esteem. super low confidence struck me once again.

i asked myself what am i doing here?

why i made this wrong decision 4 years ago?

but everything seemed too late n nobody knows. even he who knows, don really uds.

u noe wat?

i just can never be that girl that i always wanted to be.

no matter how hard i try.

i will always be back to the original starting point. its like a cycle. its not a race that has an end.

having to live without something i desire so dearly when to others, it’s so easily obtainable.

it’s saddening coz the thing i hate most of the time, is myself.

i hate being me.

i hate this.

i know at this age tt i am in now, i shldnt be feeling all these.

but too bad, i really tink life really sucks.





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14 01 2009

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first day of sem6

12 01 2009

我真的不想管了。

自己的事都管不好。。。

真的没有闲情去解决别人的事。。。

开学了。

看到努力的同学们,只有两个英文字浮现在我脑海里。

competitive.

stress.

一定要努力。

但是努力就能拿到好成绩吗?

NUS=No Use Studying.





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18 12 2008

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cherishing

17 11 2008

生离死别

it’s one of the worst things that can happen to a person, especially the one that leave is close u to you.

to me, i think 死别 is something really out of our own control. something that many times is pre-destinated. will feel sad and grief cos of u just feel helpless as u cant do anything about it. death just robs your loved ones from you, when you least expected.

then wat about 生离? i wouldn’t say everytime, but most of the time is most of time is caused by people’s decisions made in their lives. decisions made to make people hafta part and leave each other for a period of time or forever. it can be your very own decision or actions u plan to take, causing u to leave someone u love dearly. or even someone else’s decision, speech or action resulting people to be separated. i guess, for this kind of separation, we haf more control over it? wat do u think?

having more control over it also means people holding more responsibility on themselves for making the right decision, doing the right thing, saying the right thing. this can also cause so much destress and blame on people when things dont turn out right, when things turn sour as they will blame themselves for making that decision. but many times, these things doesnt come by  with a single decision made or a single action done. when it comes to people-to-people interactions, it’s always 2-ways. for example, when someone did something bad to u, u can have a range of choices of reaction towards it. angry, sad or heckcare. and even to be angry, there are just so many actions that can be done like frowning, grabbing ur fist or scolding the person. i guess there’s not a ‘right’ action to be done everything. everything is permissable but as a mature adult, we gonna think which is more beneficial before doing things and reacting.

so what is beneficial?

now for me, it’s to cherish everyone around me.
easier said than done, i tink. i tink i haf relatively low EQ.
We always say that we should treasure everyone around you,
but the truth is we hardly even try to do it.
we will just make the same mistakes again and again after saying sorry.
then the vicious cycle will start once again.
If I were to die tomorrow,
i will be worry-free and leave everything before
but i will have lots of regrets.
Because there are so many things that I’ve not done.

i haven’t travel the world
i haven’t earn my first million
i haven’t seen the stadium being built
i haven’t seen my 2nd sis be a policewoman and hear her share the exciting experiences
i haven’t seen my little sis graduate
i haven’t seen my parents retire and enjoy their time together
i haven’t hug him enough
i haven’t eaten molten choc cake with him
i haven’t hear him sing to me enough
i haven’t seen bao-er
i haven’t done alot of things.

why do we waste our time moaning over the mistakes we have done? everyone make mistakes. we don’t have much time, nobody knows what will happen tml. let’s not waste time anymore. start cherishing and treasuring people ard you, especially those that u love. groaning over mistake won’t get u anywhere. stand up, make a decision to change, it doesnt matter if u are going to fail changing or wat but at least u dare to try. don waste time anymore! we dont have much time left, time flies pass without you knowing. i tink there’s just alot of things u also wana do and yet to do. dont start regretting only when u are dying or when u are old and way passed the time u can do it.

ciaos, world








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