emoness even after thesis submission

today was bad.

emo. foul mood.

but nobody seemed to uds.

low self esteem. super low confidence struck me once again.

i asked myself what am i doing here?

why i made this wrong decision 4 years ago?

but everything seemed too late n nobody knows. even he who knows, don really uds.

u noe wat?

i just can never be that girl that i always wanted to be.

no matter how hard i try.

i will always be back to the original starting point. its like a cycle. its not a race that has an end.

having to live without something i desire so dearly when to others, it’s so easily obtainable.

it’s saddening coz the thing i hate most of the time, is myself.

i hate being me.

i hate this.

i know at this age tt i am in now, i shldnt be feeling all these.

but too bad, i really tink life really sucks.

It’s August again… Sem7

Yeaps, it’s august again!

time passes so fast! I am a yr4 NUS undergrad alr.

i kinda like august becoz it’s national day and for some reasons plus this time round, i will be graduating from sot. kinda excited to haf really going to complete the course. when everything about sot is so uncertainty initially and sometimes along the way, but God really provided a way to all things and He never fails, never fails to let me know how much He love me every single time. it was rather tough for me though, financially and in the initial and final stage of sot when i have uni.

talking abt uni, i went back to school for class today after 3 mths.

it’s a fyp briefing and talks. had some funny fruit feast when they served durians, rambutans, longans and mangosteens. uncommon fruits…

kinda excited but anxious abt this fyp.

i am thinking of re-blogging on the process of me doing my fyp, to keep a record and memory for myself in this period of time. but definitely i wont be revealing confidential stuff here.

shall see how…

envious

huiyu,
stop being envious!
coz he loves you than they do and that’s good enough.

end of my 6th sem

today marks the end of my 6th semester in NUS.
my Sem2 in Year3

Year3 Sem1 was my internship in Philips.
it was a great time! relaxing, stress-free kinda life. holiday-ing time..
let me forget about the reality that being in my course is v v competitive…

i was just awaken from my relaxing mood to reality during the reading week this time round, which is kinda too late.
awaken by the amount of work i have to put in to study for exams.
once again awaken to the anxiety of exams and the competitiveness.
it’s like, it’s not enough to be good. u hafta be better than the rest.
haiz…

talking about that, this might or might not be the last sem i have in NUS.
i might haf just taken my last exam.
i might be frantically finding a job and be part of the rat race in 4mths time, after my sot.
so much uncertainty….
i don like uncertainties….

nah, i keep telling myself to trust God…
but somehow, i am afraid that i am just not good enough to stay on for honours…

we will know when 29may comes.
pray for me.

:(

things don’t work out anymore…….

random thoughts

two thoughts…

from reading about pple’s lives on blogs and things that happen around me, i tink LDR are very hard to work out.
in fact, it’s even harder when the couple didnt started out as a LDR.
whereby at some period of time during their relationship, any party have to go overseas for study or work….
alot of times (not all) one of them will go outta track.
i guess constant meeting of each others’ needs is very impt and being so far apart, having the barrier of distance, time difference, it’s just hard (i nvr say impossible) to sustain.

————————————————–
anyways, i am so grateful and glad that i am with who i am with now.
i am glad we didnt start out.
i am not judging or commenting on anyone’s character but i truly felt we are incompatible in alot of ways.
i am grateful and thankful that both of us are each having our significant other now.
i guess God had everything planned out.
guess we shouldnt worry about if this significant other we are having now is really that one and only or final one for us, coz God has His Sovereign plans and thoughts that are higher than ours….
May God bless all couples!

dumbo me

i shldnt have even tell u
shldnt have even shown u that evil true self within me

i am naive to tink that u will comfort me
but i was wrong
u confronted me
i feel so vulnerable
i shld have hid myself like i always used to be

hiding, acting as if i am alright